A Teen-Age Colbert

Hats off to Kyle Stublin, who won the job of high-school graduation speaker and used the occasion to blast his school's typically petty and impotent administration right between the eyes (figuratively): (from the (Florida) Herald-Tribune, via Sploid)

No gushing in this grad speech

Student lays out criticisms of CHS
By ANNA SCOTT
anna.scott@heraldtribune.com
CHARLOTTE COUNTY -- Aspiring trial lawyer Kyle Stublen just wanted to share his version of the truth with classmates, teachers and thousands of people at Charlotte High School's graduation.

So the A student, an unlikely troublemaker and star of the school's mock trial team, decided not to gush. He delivered a scathing, ironic speech devoid of the sheen decorating most high school graduations....

"As I reflect on the last four years of my life here at Charlotte High School, I truly understand what Tarpon Tradition has come to mean in our school," Stublen said in his speech, referring to the school's mascot, the tarpon fish.

"It isn't the felons walking across the stage bearing stoles or the cheaters receiving college credit; it isn't the drugs being done in the bathrooms during lunch and it most certainly isn't the exclusive cliques. Tarpon Tradition is the unity that triumphs over all barriers, bringing us closer together as a family."

His speech spurred demands for apologies and a he-said she-said battle for his diploma -- which school administrators awarded Tuesday after they received a flurry of media phone calls...

Stublen didn't apologize to Sansone or Duffy, saying that would have undermined the point of his speech. He did, however, apologize to the teacher who selected the winning speeches.

"I'm not sorry about the speech," Stublen said. "The only thing I'm really sorry about is that I had to lie to do it."

Duffy said the diploma was never being withheld.

Legally, school officials can bar students from participating in the graduation ceremony, but they cannot withhold diplomas, Duffy said.

Stublen received his just in time to start summer school at the University of Florida in Gainesville, where he hopes to secure a business degree and attend law school.